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FUMO Girly

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Pulling an all nighter. [Dec. 3rd, 2003|07:59 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Tupac- Never Had A Friend Like Me]

Yes, you heard it hear first! It's 8:00 am. NORMAL people are probably already awake by now. I'm awake, yes. Have I slept? Nah. No biggie. My 'cycle' is completely out of whack. Whatever, though. I'll eventually land myself a killer third shift job and it'll all work out. RIIIGHT.
So, yeah. Umm, what to speak of? Hmm. Nothing much going on right now. Dreading getting into a warm ass shower because I'm sure it'll tease me with thoughts of curling up in my bed in a warm cinnamin bun sort of state. Ahh, but I'd have to wake up in about three or four hours anyways. Why fuck with it?
Blah. I really need to clean my car out today. I thought I'd do that after I shower. Seeing as it's something somewhat physical to do; I thought it'd keep me awake and give me something to do between my showering time and my departure.
Isn't my life exciting? Heh. Well, I'm gonna call one of my friends now and wake her ass up for my own sheer amusement. Aloha.
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Yeah, so I copied this out of someone's journal and I'm bored! [Dec. 2nd, 2003|03:59 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |nerdynerdy]
[music |Loretta Lynn- You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man]

NAME: Avery
WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER: No one.
MASCOT: Rottweiler
GRADE: High school senior
GPA: somewhere around a 3.0
HEIGHT: 5'4
SHOE SIZE: 7 1/2- 8
SIBLINGS: brother
LAST CDs YOU BOUGHT: Coldplay's newest
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN THE THEATER: Once Upon A Time In Mexico
LAST MOVIE YOU SAW: First Twenty Million
FAVE MOVIE: Wayne's World
LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT: History
DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE MATH?: I don't mind it.
WHO ARE YOUR BEST GIRL FRIENDS: Very few.
WHO ARE YOUR BEST GUY FRIENDS?: None really.
DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH: Umm, I have a BOYFRIEND. So, I dunno what to consider a 'crush'.
FAVOURITE COLLEGE TEAM: None.
FAVOURITE STORE: Any discount clothing stores are cool by me.
DO YOU DO ANY DRUGS?: Hmm. N/A
HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON YOUR BUDDY LIST?: On here? 1 On AIM? 11
WHAT'S YOUR FAV. SPORT?: Baseball
ARE YOU ON ANY SPORTS TEAM?: Haven't been for a long time.
HOW LONG ARE YOU IN THE SHOWER? Anywhere from 10-30 minutes.
WHAT'S YOUR FAV. PLACE TO GO ON VACATION?: NYC
FAVOURITE SCARY MOVIE: I've never seen a movie that I'd consider 'scary'.
IF YOU ARE A GIRL, WHAT MAKEUP DO YOU WEAR? EVERYTHING.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? Ahh, undecided.
TEENAGE SMOKING: It's GRRREAT. I've smoked since I was about 13, so whatever.
STALKERS: I've had a few in my day, and one currently!
GUY BANDS: Umm, what about them?
DEATH: Nothing you can really do about it.
SCHOOL: Loved it up until high school.
CHEATING ON SOMEONE: Not cool.
PRE-MARITAL SEX: The best! Heh. Really, what's the big deal?
WHEN YOU HEAR THIS NAME, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF?:
RYAN: Too common.
BOB: An old, fat man.
ZAC: My little cousin, Zac.
KATIE: a WHORE.
STACEY: A bitch whore.
STEPHANIE: I hate that name.
BRIAN: My creepy cousin.
JANELLE: Non white. I dunno.
JASON: My friend, Jason.
JESSICA: I KNOW SO MANY JESSICAS!
HEATHER: Bitch.
ASHLEY: FAT bitch.
AARON: Why does it need two a's?
AMY: FUCKING BITCH.
SARA: This girl named Sara that lives here. She's like 16 and has 3 or 4 kids. She's ghetto nasty.
JOSH: I hate that name.
DANNY: My uncle, Danny.
BRITTANY: Most girls named Brittany are bitches.
CHRISTOPHER: Chris
LACEY: A snotty, rich girl.
MICHELLE: 80's
MELISSA: Ugly name.
KELSEY: Ugly name.
DO YOU HAVE A JOB? Currently- no.
WHERE WILL YOU LIVE NEXT YEAR: Here or in a nice, little dorm.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK: Nope.
ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING: Everything.
RELIGION: Ahh, I don't know where I stand.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN AND HELL? Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ANGELS? Yep.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS? I've actually seen some pretty weird shit, but I dunno.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? Most of the time.
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? Not any time soon.
WHAT DO YOU DO THAT MAKES YOUR FRIENDS MAD? Don't drop everything for them like they always expect me to.
ARE YOU MAD AT ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS? Nah.
DO YOU HAVE ANY STUFFED ANIMALS? Oh yeah.
DO YOU HAVE ANY BAD HABITS? Plenty.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? I dunno.
WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE HANGOUT? My boyfriend's house.
HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS!
APPLES OR ORANGES: Oranges
CHOCOLATES OR FLOWERS: flowers
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE LOVE SONG? Al Green- Let's Stay Together
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAK-UP SONG: Alanis Morissette- You Oughta Know
IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW, WHERE WOULD YOU
BE? Sleeping.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BETRAYED?: Of course.
WHEN IS YOUR CURFEW? Don't have one.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING AT THIS VERY MOMENT? How I should be sleeping.
THE LAST PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED? My friend's.
THE LAST TV SHOW YOU WATCHED: Daria.
EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? Well, yeah.
BEEN ON A PLANE: mmm-hmm
WENT SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN: yep
FLASHED SOMEONE: A few times, drunkenly.
GOT STOPPED BY A COP: Of course.
BEEN ACCUSED OF SHOPLIFTING: nope
GOT CAUGHT ILLEGALLY PARKING: nope
CRIED IN PUBLIC: Oh yeah.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Of course.
GONE SKIING: Too yuppie for me.
FELL ALSEEP IN SCHOOL?: Oh yeah.
STABBED SOMEONE IN THE BACK? Yeah, probably.
GONE ALL NITE WITHOUT SLEEP: 38.5 hours.
BEEN BIT BY AN ANIMAL: Plenty.
BEEN TO A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL GAME: I wish.
SAW A PRO BASKETBALL GAME: Nope.
KISSED A GUY/GIRL: 'No! Hehe. I'm too young for that!' Of course I have kissed a fucking guy. As for a girl- nope.
GOT A DETENTION: Hell yeah.
SAT IN A RESTAURANT WITHOUT ORDERING ANYTHING: Oh yeah.
WISHED YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE: Not really.
CHEATED ON HOMEWORK: Yep
WANTED TO DIE: nope
BROKEN A BONE: once
BROKEN SOMETHING VALUABLE? Heh, a few times.
TOLD SOMEONE YOU LOVED THEM: Of course.
USED YOUR PARENTS CREDIT CARD: With permission.
BEEN SCARED TO GET SHOT: Umm, I've had a gun pulled on me a few times, but I didn't really think they would shoot me. So, not really.
HAD TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL: yep
THOUGHT YOU WERE IN LOVE: mmm hmm
MADE PRANK PHONE CALLS: Who hasn't?
BOUGHT A CONDOM: Nope, that's HIS job.
CAUGHT A FISH: yeah
SNUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE: Never really had to 'sneak'.
KISSED SOMEONE YOU WEREN'T GOING OUT WITH? Who the hell am I? Jan Brady? YES.
BEEN HURT BY A GUY/GIRL YOU LOVED/LIKED: of course.
GONE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY: Yep
BEATEN UP SOMEONE: A few times.
BEEN SCARED ENOUGH TO PEE IN YOUR PANTS: Hell no.
BEEN STABBED IN THE BACK BY A"FRIEND": PLENTY.
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Hmm... [Dec. 2nd, 2003|02:24 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Wu Tang Clan- Gravel Pit]

So, it's December already! Yee friggin' haw. I am so worried about Christmas. It's all I've been thinking about. Even if I found a job and started right now... Ugh. Why do I even bother? I've been considering just doing something cute, crafty, and inexpensive (of course!) for the few people I am really worried about buying for. I'm not sure exactly what this random idea is yet. There's my problem. I'm just going to go discount shopping tomorrow and see if I spot anything that could be nicely and easily dressed up.
Anyhow, I've decided to finally drag myself to the unemployment office tomorrow. I've put it off for too long. I'm just really scared that they will want to know my life story. Not that I have a bad work record or anything. It's just that with the kidney problems I have had, it's rough. I don't want them to feel like they'd be 'taking a chance on me' or anything like that. I'm sure it'll be awkward. I just pray they don't need to contact my psycho ex-employer. She is fucking insane, and her 'reference' has costs me a few opportunities already. Bitches. Grr. I don't want to go there or I'll just get pissed. I'm so bitter about that whole situation.
Ahh. It's so cold outside! I LOVE this time of year. Call me crazy, but I've always been more of a winter-y, cold weather type or person. We are rare, I tell ya. Heh. I don't absolutely hate the summer or anything; I simply prefer the cold. There is just something about bundling up in a warm, fuzzy sweater that appeals to me. I also see the snow and all as being somewhat romantic. There's always the fact that I hate seeing 85 pound blonde Abercrombie models prancing around the beach as well. Heh. This is just the time of year for me I suppose. I should have a case of bronchitis on its way soon enough. Now, I could bare not dealing with that.
I finally got to talk to 'Miss FUMO', MoonTiara, on the phone today. I was afraid it might be awkward, but it wasn't at all. I felt like I'd known her for a long time. She was totally cool and seemed really well educated and fun. She is certainly the super-cool-big-sister type. Heh.
Well, the rest of the day wasn't much. Not really worth mentioning.
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Grr. [Nov. 28th, 2003|10:02 pm]
FUMO Girly
[mood |coldcold]
[music |Diana Ross, Supremes, Temptations-I'm Gonna Make You Love Me]

So, I can't go anywhere tonight because 'the roads are slick'. It's barely snowing, and not even sticking to the roads. The roads look as if it has rained. There is no way in hell the roads could be freezing; it's been too damn warm for the last few weeks.
Enough of that. I'm trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the night. None of my friends are home- the ones with decent parents that would let them come over. No one is even online to talk to. I feel so accomplished. It's Friday night, the damn kids are all out of school, and look at me- I can't even leave. Yeah, I'm a bit shitty due to this.
I wish I could go rent some movies or something. I just want to lay around and chill out tonight. I woke up with another urinary tract infection, so the mood is somber. My step dad's dumbass kids are here and driving me insane. One had the nerve to ask to use my DVD player. As if, you little bitches. Grr. I hate when they are here. They are loud and running around all day, and then if I let a loud fart when they are trying to sleep, all hell breaks loose. They are so weird; they go to sleep at like 11 or 12 and wake up at like 6 or 7 am. WHY? It's the weekend! I longed for the weekends when I was in school. I'd sleep all day whenever I had the chance. I mean, seriously, who gets up THAT early when they don't have to? It boggles my mind. Weird freakin' kids. Ugh. I've been down the 'blended family' route far too many times to even fathom referring to them as my 'step-sisters'. No fucking thanks.
I dunno. I guess I am just bitter about a lot of things. Not just his kids. EVERYTHING. For one thing, my own mother won't help me find a doctor that will actually try to find the reason for all of my kidney and UTI problems. She just blows it off. No big deal. Oh well, this has ONLY been going on for two years now. I'll get better sometime, right? Hah. No way. They give me some bullshit antibiotic to clear my system every time I go. No tests; nothing. The pain isn't much of an issue any more. I've had two years to get used to that. I'm just sick of going to the bathroom twice an hour. Waking up to go three or four times a night isn't much fun either. As if my sleeping pattern could get worse, though.
I suppose I'll try to find something on television. Fat chance.
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DENIED! [Nov. 28th, 2003|12:13 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |highhigh]
[music |Pixies- Hold My Bones]

No valium. Bleh.
My day was rather interesting, however. I ate dinner with my family, and finally met my boyfriend's weird, strung out cousins that I've heard so many crazy stories about. They were both actually very pretty and cool. I guess I expected them to look a little rougher. I thought my family was disfunctional. Hah, his grandparents were smashed by the time we made it down there. It was certainly worth the six hour round trip. I just hate having my damn picture taken.
Now Christmas is just around the corner, which I must say, I am dreading. Commercialization isn't my bad. As always, Hallmark is to blame.
Well, I am far too buzzed to focus much attention on one thing right now.
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Fuck Thanksgiving. [Nov. 27th, 2003|03:39 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |The Eels- Tree Hugger]

So, we made peace with some Indians? Does that really justify a holiday? Didn't think so. Ahh, I'm just bitter that I will have to be around my entire obsessive complusive family all damn day.
Ugh. Well, tomorrow (or today, whatever) is really something to look forward to. Maybe I can score some valium from one of them. I try to see the best in every situation.

Heh.
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Smooth criminal. [Nov. 23rd, 2003|03:28 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Bright Eyes- It's Cool We Can Still Be Friends]

^Well, not in a Michael Jackson sorta way. Certainly not Alien Ant Farm-ish, although, I'm not sure what the hell is smooth about that. I'm just feeling like a slick pimp tonight.
So, I didn't get the diet/speed pills. I woke up too late to go to the doctor, and now I'm trying to decide if I even want to do it or not. Ahh, decisions. I'm still not sure if it's the best of ideas. I just don't want to slip into old habits again. Either way would be a fuck up waiting to happen.
This weekend hasn't been extremely eventful. It's not as boring as usual. I HAVE left the house. Quite a bit, for that matter. Just haven't done anything 'exciting' or 'fun' in some time. I'm really wanting to see a show sometime soon. I haven't been to a show since Lolla, so I'm getting antzy. No one worth seeing. I won't drive more than a few hours.
Well, I suppose this is all for the night. Not much to say. I'm in a state of not thinking or worrying much at the moment.
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Boredom. [Nov. 21st, 2003|04:17 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |grumpygrumpy]
[music |Pharoah Monche- Fuck You]

Ahh, so I'm bored. I hope this isn't one of those thing that when you post too much people think you are a big dork ass. Whatever, it's the case. I don't see anyone reading this any time remotely soon, so I will continue to keep myself entertained.

I wish I'd stop ragging so I't get out of this state of blah, blah- nothingness. I'm not in a shitty mood, by any means. Just bored and anxious about dumb shit. I've been jumpy and somewhat moody. Menstration will do that, though, I suppose.

Hmm. Something to analyze to pass the time? Ahh, I got it.

I shall title it: Every Little Thing That Irritates Me- Analyzed 2.0
This should be good and long (also see 'drawn out', 'annoying', and 'fucking stupid')

1. My mom will not get off my God damn ass about finding a job. I am aware of my unemployment. I know that money, especially in paper form, is needed for every day life. She knows how small this town is, and why I was out of work in the first place. Why does she feel the need to explain everything word for word?
Analyzation: The fact that I recently jabbed my way into adulthood; AKA 'The Big 1-8'. I'm sure she is absolutely flipped out over the fact that I'm an adult now. She obviously needs to know/feel that she is still the 'boss' of me. She still has a say so, her opinions and decisions still matter. Ugh.

2. This 'Sk8er Boi' bullshit. I fucking loathe you little pop-punk fucks. 'I'm a skateboarder! Because Avril says so!' I can't even go see my friend's band play because of these kids. They come out of the damn wood work to see his Green Day cover band. They crawl towards anything that seems 'different'. They wear those God foresaken shirts that spill little motos like 'You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.' What the hell is that? There are ten million of you little fucks that look and act EXACTLY the same. This Good Charlotte shit has got to go, as well. These kids buy into this pathetic image. Corporations pull these 'acts' out of carboard boxes, and they eat it up.
Analyzation: These kids are trying to find some 'alternative' way of life, without realizing how mainstream and 'pop' it really is. Hence, PUNK IS DEAD.

3. Everyone around here took The Fast and the Furious a bit too seriously. I see old ass, rusty, shit machines with brand new wings on a daily basis. There is this guy with this geeky, shitty little purple Honda that I see every time I leave the house. It's got the neons and all that. Anyhow, people had always told me stories about this guy. That he took his car and himself WAY too seriously. So, me and my boyfriend are out in town one night, and we get beside him at a stop light. I had to get a look at the inside of this car. I didn't even know what the hell to think after I did. He had SPRAY PAINTED his interior. The entire inside of that car was SPRAY PAINTED PURPLE. Seats, floors, dash, everything. I mean, his car was silly, but his paint job (on the outside) was actually alright looking. You could tell he spent a little money on the outside; why the hell would you spray paint the inside of a fucking car?
Analyzation: Slapping a NAS sticker makes your car go so much faster!

4. There is this group of skank nasty (and I mean authentic skank nasty) girls that everyone hates. They are all like 19 or 20; just a year or two older than me. Every time they see me (or any girl that isn't in their litte clique, for that matter) I am called a 'whore' or something equally high school drama-ish. I don't even know half of these girls, yet they feel they somehow know me. Of course, I always fire some bullshit back to them, but simply for the sake of keeping the skanks in their place.
Analyzation: Seeing as every time I see these skanks, one of them is freshly pregnant. Not that there is anything wrong with being pregnant; it's just that most of these girls already have two or three kids. They are merely jealous of those who choose to not follow their ho-hum white trash lifesytle.

Ahh, isn't analyzing things just too fun? It is for me. Well, this is what I used to do in my regular old paper and pen journals. I'd list all the dumbass things that irriate me, and then analyze the hell right out of them.

Entertainment = good, even in pathetic, critical cases such as the above statements. Yeah, I'm a cunt. What are you gonna do about it? Heh. Me no funny. Blah. I'm outta here.
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Old habits are hard to break. [Nov. 21st, 2003|01:40 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[music |Oasis- Don't Look Back In Anger]

I don't know what made me do it, but I decided to weigh myself today. Bad move. I have struggled with eating disorder after eating disorder is the past- well, ten years to be honest.
I remember going on my first diet in the third grade. I'd allow myself one small snack per day and a meal.
Well, as puberty pushed its way into my sight, things changed. I had suddenly grown enormous boobs, huge hips, and a bubble butt. Curves and booty aside, I hate my body. Around the age of thirteen, entering middle school, is when I got really bad. My seventh grade year was an awful, blurry hell. Most of the people I had grown up with, always went to grade school with, decided to become Abercrombie-ed out and stick their noses in the air. Sure, I still had a few trusty, old friends, but the new people around me were very intimidating. I just wanted to fit in.
My new regiment was one meal a day. Of course, at first, I allowed myself to eat whatever I pleased. I'd stuff myself until I felt ill; merely because I knew it was all I could have for the day. Most of us know how the 'shrinking' of our stomaches occur. So, I'd eat so much one day, less the next day, until the hunger no longer phased me. I still found myself repulsive, and by this time I was about 115 pounds. I then decided it was time for sever action to be taken. This is when the one meal every other day plan when into affect. I'd been starving myself for months, so of course, it didn't phase me much. Soon, I was so impressed with myself and convinced that I didn't need food, that I'd fast for days; simply to see how long I could go without eating. First, I'd really been happy with six calorie-free, food free days, but it wasn't enough. My personal record to this day was ten days without food or anything containing a single calorie. This is when things got pretty rough. Ex Lax came into play, and things got out of control. I would have not eaten for a few days, but still somehow felt guilty; felt that I had done something bad, didn't look 'good enough' yet. I'd pop a few Ex Lax or any other laxative I could get ahold of, and when they kicked in and the job was done, I felt accomplished. Did I ever gag myself? Well, it was a rare thing for myself, seeing as I had a very difficult time making myself vomit. I went as far as sticking a wooden spoon down my throat to get the job done. I only puked when I was feeling guilty and Ex Lax wasn't around.

The never ending fights with my mom were the roughest part of it all. She'd try to force food down my throat, we'd fight. She'd tell me I had to eat before she'd allow me to leave the house, we'd fight and I would always leave anyways. Blacking out in class wasn't fun either. All I remember of that was my teacher grabbing my shoulders and asking me if I was alright and telling me I looked extremely pale. She proceeded to send me to the office to go home, when I fell down the stairs. Unfortunately, I do remember that part. Still have the scar on my elbow. Mom took me to the doctor that day. She took me to the doctor a lot. I recall my stomache growling every time I'd sit on that damn table. It made me feel like a horrible pig. Anyhow, that particular day at the doctor, I knew things had to change. I found out my weight. I was 5'4 and 98 pounds. Rehabilitation was threatened and I knew things had to change. I went from a size 11 in jeans to a size 1 slim. So, that is my life story from ages 13 through 15.
I am 18 years old today and still struggling with weight/appearance issues. I'm currently in a size 9 jeans (Sorry, I'm not saying my weight), and my self image is far from what I see in the mirror today. I have made myself a doctor appointment for tomorrow (well, today, I guess; seeing as it's late). I am going to see a 'pill doctor', and plan on obtaining some rapid weight loss medication(s). No, I am not 50+ pounds overweight, or whatever the set number is for these drugs. I will never be a healthy person. I am currently fighting kidney problems because of my past abuse on my body. Is it stopping me from going to see the doctor tomorrow? No, of course not. I will never be free of this disease; and, yes, this is a disease. I just figure popping a few pills a day is better than starving again.
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Exciting! [Nov. 20th, 2003|03:46 am]
FUMO Girly
[mood |productiveproductive]
[music |Frank Sinatra- Luck Be A Lady Tonight]

So, today wasn't extremely productive, but what can you do?

My major issues with today's events:
1. I did nothing, for the most part.
2. I remain on the rag, which always sucks.
3. I've had a horrible headache all day.
4. Once more, I cannot sleep.

Insanity, I tells you! Yes, the 's' on 'tell' was intended. Bitch, bitch, gripe, nag, bitch, I am aware!

I am just sick of being everyone's damn counselor. Sure, I don't mind helping friends out now and then, but recently I've been a God damn floor mat. I'm not being paid enough for this. Hehe. Yeah, so, everything hasn't been going exactly the way I had it planned recently. Yes, I will bitch about it, and it won't solve things. I guess I'm just confused with what I'm going to do to fix several issues as to where exactly I am right now.

*Vents*

So, Christmas is coming up rather soon, which is NOT cool. I'm broke for once and I can't handle it. I've never been out of work for this long. Money is such an annoying issue. Sure, I've had a few medical issues which kept me out of work for quite some time. Now that I'm ready to return to the workplace, there isn't a thing avaliable. Bahh. I'm not too picky, but there are certain levels I am far above. Will I be able to buy gifts for anyone this year? That remains unknown, but looks unlikely. I really dislike this time of year in general, however. Christmas is supposed to be a celibration, not a commercial, corporate-owned reason to spend money. *Blames Hallmark for everything*

In other news, I have been feeling rather artistic recently. I want to create things; glue, paper, beads, simple little objects, paints... Ahh. I yearn to own some cool art supplies. Not that I'm the most art-sy person alive, but I could manage if I had the necessities. I must just be bored with the way things are going for the moment. I get like this when I need an outlet. The void needs filled for the time being. I suppose this time on the early AM is appropriate to begin. Aloha.
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